While doing 80+ mph on the highway last week returning from my in-laws, a whole gaggle of deer (alright, three) popped out onto the freeway about 50 feet ahead of me.

I reacted quickly enough to slow down to around 25-30 mph, swerved to the right to miss one deer, and then plowed headlong into the rear end of another. I pulled off the highway onto the shoulder, turned on the hazard lights, and got out to inspect the damage. Fortunately (for me and the car), the buck was leaping as I hit it so its hind quarters only crunched the right light and crumpled the hood. It did no damage to any functioning part of the car. Aside from the hood, the damage was purely cosmetic.

There was no sign of the deer. I felt a momentary twinge of guilt that I didn’t feel any guilt about the deer, but that passed quickly. I felt a momentary twinge of guilt that it passed quickly, but that passed qui… you get the idea.

We piled back in the car and got on the road.

About an hour later a brown paper bag blew onto the freeway 50 feet ahead of me. In my headlights it looked like a small dog. I gripped the wheel and hit the brakes. My wife grabbed my shoulder and the ceiling handle in the same motion, as if to brace for impact, and screamed.